Life Lessons From "The Gambler"

When I was a young child my parents listened to Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton and the Oak Ridge Boys; groups that would be considered country classics these days.  Kenny Rogers was my favorite, or so the story goes, because even at the age of 4 or 5, when I found out my parents were attending a Kenny Rogers concert I BEGGED to be able to go with them.  It must have been impactful, because even now I have this foggy memory of sitting in the seats and watching Kenny Rogers croon on this floating stage and feeling very excited. 

One of my favorite songs was "The Gambler".  Maybe it was the catchy beat of the music or maybe it was the snazzy background vocals, but I think it was the slightly reckless life advice embedded in the lyrics that thrilled my young mind and my fantastical perceived possibilities of adulthood.  The answers to a successful life were right there in the lyrics of a song! It turns out this advice is not as straightforward and helpful as I originally believed. 

You've got to know when to hold 'em
Know when to fold 'em
Know when to walk away
And know when to run

Seems fairly straightforward.. These four options seem to cover all the bases, but it is still lacking crucial information that adult me would like to understand: HOW?

How do I know which is the right decision?  How do I know if I should hold 'em or fold 'em?  Is there some kind of flow chart? Or a checklist of examples for each scenario?  Something that can be easily printed on astrobrite colored paper or passed out in some charming marketing package that looks like an actual deck of cards you can check off as you go.  The planning side of my brain, the perfectionism part, the fear of negative consequences corner would appreciate such clarity.  Instead, I am in a constant loop of second guessing.

It seems my child-self believed that the answers to the how would just miraculously appear and I would just know, because isn't that what happens when you become an adult?  You just know?   Kenny Rogers said so.  Dear child-me, you have always had too high of expectations.  

Every gambler knows
That the secret to survivin'
Is knowin' what to throw away
And knowin' what to keep

Who knew this song was an ode to minimalism?  The crux of the argument is on knowing what to throw away and knowing what to keep.  Learning to throw away the cards that don't serve me, that is a lesson I am still working on.

I hold on to much. 


Also, I hold on too much.


But in his final words
I found an ace that I could keep

Coming Back to My Words

It's been four years since I have made an attempt to even look at these pages.  It's crazy to me to think that I tried to begin documenting this motherhood journey 6 years ago.  It's also sad that I stopped.  Blog posts require more time than a quick Facebook post with a cute quote from a kiddo.  My small people liked to sit on my lap and be in the middle of everything that I am doing at all times.  Slows down progress immensely. 

 

As I'm reading the posts I did publish and the drafts I did write, it makes me wish I had more to read: memories to cherish and be reminded of, reflections of who I was and how that compares to who I am now.  Maybe it is time to take a fresh look these pages and to create new ones.  Maybe it's time to put down my own story in my own words again.  Words are powerful.  The older I become the more I understand the power of my own story.