Simple Pleasures

There have been several things going on in my life lately.  Things I have found stressful.  Compounding stress.  It hasn't been fun. 

When I was in high school I worked in a jewelry store, with an incredible Italian woman who was a jeweler.  She once made me a necklace of a rope with a knot tied to the end of it.  It was a reminder: when I thought I was at the end of my rope, I should tie a knot and hang on for dear life. 

That is where I am at right now.  Trying to hold on to that rope, that knot.  Trying to keep it all together.  I should be focusing on gratitude.  I should be focusing on all the ways in which my life is incredible.  I should stop having a pity party for myself.  However, I am tired and worn out from fighting these recent stressful situation ... I am running out of strength to hold on to the knot right now. I am coping with this loss of identity by wallowing in self-pity for a bit. 

Today, the weather was beautiful.  The kids and I jumped on the new "jumpoline".  I tried to jump out some of that stress.  I tried to stay present in the moment with the kids.  I tried to focus more intently on their expressions and their laughter.  I pushed them on the swingset.  I even got on a swing myself and tried to remember when I was a kid.  Kicking my legs out, trying to touch the branch of a tree, pumping my legs back and forth to go as high as possible.  For a moment I felt that shift of not just remembering, but being that little girl, who wanted to swing so high she felt like she was flying.  A little girl who felt freedom in those movements; defying gravity because all things are possible. 

In that moment, I found a little hope.  A little something to help feed my soul, to be able to push outward, against the suffocating pressure of reality of life lately. 

Tomorrow, I may be back in the folds, but today, I am trying to hold onto the knot in the rope just a little tighter, because today I can.